


Somewhere Between

by andtwisted



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, DCU (Comics), Nightwing (Comics)
Genre: Body Image, Character Study, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Insecurity, preparation for a longer fic i might not actually write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-05
Updated: 2019-07-05
Packaged: 2020-06-09 21:39:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19484554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andtwisted/pseuds/andtwisted
Summary: "Dick supposed he had no reason to feel despair; according to those around him, he was perfect. Always has been, always will be."orA character study because people call me perfect and I get pissed, so I projected onto Dick and this gained a mind of its own.





	Somewhere Between

Somewhere between overwhelming beauty and not looking good enough was where Dick found himself one Friday morning. He lay flat on his back on the floor, empty bottles and pizza boxes surround him. And he felt very-

In between.

On this lazy day, his mind replayed every envy filled comment about him that people seemed to love making.

_"He's Dick Grayson. He's perfect. Periodt."_

_"None of us will ever be able to measure up."_

_"Do you think he understands what kind of burden he puts on us?"_

On this lazy day, his mind replayed every reverent utterance of praise his past lovers have ever made. Every single one, without fail, had made one.

Every.

Single.

One.

_"God, you're so beautiful."_

_"My perfect little bird."_

_"Whoever's up there put a lot of effort into creating you."_

Dick supposed he had no reason to feel despair; according to those around him, he was perfect. Always has been, always will be.

Don't misunderstand - he's always tried to be perfect. In a way, he thinks, everyone tries their hardest to be perfect at some point or other. It's just that this? This has gotten out of hand.

But it's not like he can suddenly stop and revert back to who he really is because _that's who he is._ He just so happens to be a try hard with an amazing body and a penchant for impressing people. He can't change that!

So why does he feel so hollow?

"It's between knowing you're amazing," Dick murmurs, eyes sliding closed, "and knowing you aren't as good as they think you are."

Dick knows, _he knows_ his younger brothers, friends, hell even Bruce sometimes, all think he's some sort of god, think that he can be hit by anything and come back ten times stronger.

Well, holy risen from the ashes Batman, he's not a fucking phoenix!

Sometimes he has to be human, he has to acknowledge that he can't do something or he needs help or he mortally fucked up, because that's what people DO.

Not gods, _people_. People who live and breathe and all have the ability to fight, to apologize, to love, to hurt.

So why is Dick the one singled out for doing his best to be human? Why is he the one with an impossible weight on his shoulders, unable to share it with others because they're the ones who put it there? Why does he have to suffer for the perceptions of others, others who don't know what it's like to be excluded and raised on a pedestal all the fucking time.

The thing is, he knows he'll never be perfect or live up to what everyone thinks about him. He knows every piece of humanity he shows only lets them down.

He remembers something the Man of Steel himself told him one night when he was 10, Bruce was away, and Clark was on babysitting duty.

_"Your head is normal sized," Dick had commented upon meeting his childhood hero._

_Clark had sputtered._

_Dick clarified. "My mama always said that if you told people they were perfect, no matter how good or bad they were, they would start to get a big head."_

_Bruce had quirked an eyebrow as Clark kneeled down to explain._

_"A lot of people do think I'm perfect, Dick," the man had said, "but I always think about how hard me and everyone who cares about me are working-" his bright blue eyes bored into Dick's own "- and I think 'how dare they?'"_

In the present, Dick felt a surge of anger.

How dare anyone even imply that he's never had to work hard - that fate had simply handed to him everything he's ever wanted in life. How dare they? Anyone who knew him would know that, though he was adopted by a billionaire and didn't have it as rough as others, he had definitely had rough patches that nothing but his own strength had gotten him through. What gives people the right to ignore his hard work in favor of the idea that things will work out anyway because he's perfect?

And to answer Tim's question: yes Dick knows what's it's like to have that kind of burden. He grew up with the goddamn Batman, after all, a person who didn't ease up and show his human side until after his son died.

"Holy shit, that's why Jason and I are so fucked up." Dick shot up at the revelation. "Note to self, share this with Jason. P.S. tell Bruce you're glad he's human."

He leaned back on his hands mulling over his thoughts for a while until he decided to get up and at lease throw the pizza boxes away before they attract bugs.

It was somewhere between June and July that Dick Grayson realized that maybe he wanted people to be drawn to him because of his inherent greatness.

But maybe he wanted someone who cared only about the unavoidable humanity.

**Author's Note:**

> Like the summary says, I was just tired of being this weird flawless thing, then being guilty if I had a bad day or my anger issues decided to pop in, so this happened.
> 
> (Also thinking of people as so much greater than yourself does put pressure on the person so please keep it to a minimum and acknowledge that they've also put in hard work and asked for help to get to wherever they did. Mental breakdowns might have been had. Tears might've been shed. So don't put unnecessary pressure on them please okay thanks.)
> 
> This took me a solid 20 minutes to figure out how to post, and it was going to be Dick/Tiger but I decided Tiger was barely going to be in it anyway so I remedied the ending so all shippers (or non-shippers) can read it.
> 
> Either way, happy day after america day and adieu~


End file.
